Girlfriending -- Dred Feminist Rant 15 -- 1-20-19

Girlfriendin’ – Dred Feminist Rant #15 – Loretta J. Ross 1-20-19

A dear sistafriend of mine was in a bad accident that totaled her car. She called to tell me about it the next day. It gave me the opportunity to check that she’s all right, and then talk seriously to her about girlfriendin’. Listen, after you call the police and your insurance company, your next step is to call your posse! I mean your girlfriend who will go with you to the hospital, be your personal Lyft, call your job, take messages, pick up your prescriptions, talk to your family, and tell the entire world not to f*ck with you today because this is YOUR TIME TO HEAL! Your girlfriend drops whatever she is doing at times like these because nothing is more important than being there for you. 

I think the art of Girlfriendin’ is being lost and I’m shouting out to call it back in. So, I’m starting a FB chain about what girlfriendin’ means to me. These are vignettes from my life. Feel free to add your own. 

Your girlfriend organizes you out of a dangerous home with a batterer in less than 3 hours so when he comes home from work, he doesn’t know what hit him and why all your stuff is gone. Your girlfriend crawls into bed with you when you just learned your child has died, and holds you while you deal with the worse pain you’ve ever felt. Your girlfriend sighs when you choose that partner with the obvious red flags and then celebrates with you when you finally wake up and rejoin the sisterhood of sanity. Your girlfriend tells you that woman who says she loves you would not abuse your dog to get back at you, but you’ll help take him to the vet, and her out for a drink while she figures it out. Your girlfriend takes you to the clinic to have that abortion, or pays for it when she can’t make it, because she knows how important that life-changing decision is for you, without asking for reasons. Your girlfriend wakes her partner up to take you to the hospital when you can’t afford the ambulance. Your girlfriend pretends she’s a diabetic because she has health insurance so that you don’t die because you don’t. Your girlfriend talks her knitting circle into crocheting pink hats while singing “What’s New Pussy Cat” because her religious circle can’t say the word “vagina,” but will knit their asses off for you because she asked them to.

I could go on. The Power of Women in my life is immeasurable. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the brothas who I’ve loved and who have loved me, starting with my Dad, brothers, lovers, and political colleagues. But Mamma showed me how girlfriends are with each other. Her friendships with her posse taught me the value of girlfriends who know how to be there for each other, who tell me when I’m being stupid, or getting used, or have met someone I should pay more attention to. It may not be the same girlfriends there all the time, but they earn the title of “girlfriend” when I know that even if it’s been decades since we’ve seen each other, I will never be alone for the important stuff because they are in my life and I’m in theirs. I know I’ll never be totally broke, homeless, hungry, or lonely because of my girlfriends.

Let’s describe what girlfriendin’ means to us!